Marriage was never on my mind all through my growing up years (till I met someone worth it in my 20's! ). But I always wanted to be a mother. And I'm talking of times, long before Karan Johar had babies of his own. Even long before Sushmita Sen became the first celebrity single-woman to adopt a child legally. And even before Neena Gupta shook the nation by going public about her decision to keep her baby and go on to famously become the first 'unwed' mother ( I remember looking up the exact definition of the word 'illegitimate' in the dictionary) .....
I don't recollect having fanciful ideas of 'happily ever after' fairytale endings or dreamy fantasies of my wedding dress and day. Being the youngest of the siblings, the family had seen enough weddings and were in no hurry to get me 'married off'. Besides I was good in studies, and so they let me be engaged with my so called 'academic pursuits'.
Even as a little girl I remember being amazed at the idea of carrying a baby within me, in my belly. I used to and still do love dolls and would cradle, feed, bath, and dress them. I learnt the basics of stitching by making dresses for my dolls. Even now, whenever I see an adorable doll, I spare a moment to admire it. In my car, even today, there are one or two small dolls, supposedly my daughters when she was small not too long ago.
It was in my 8th std school vacation that I started on my periods. Back then 13 year olds were not well informed about the 'facts of life'. Especially in a conservative family upbringing where fathers were unapproachable and mothers restrained. Since I was one of the last ones in class to start on my periods, I had some idea about it from my classmates and older neighbourhood friends, and was prepared. To me it was just another bodily function which starts at a certain age in girls. Like sprouting hair. No big deal. I'd manage on my own, I thought. I was cool about it. And quiet about it. Until Ma found out on the second day. She thought I was perhaps embarrassed and scared. I remember that day, time, and scene so well. Ma requested to let her into the bathroom to help me clean up. I reluctantly agreed. I was too conscious and confused to pay attention to all the things she was explaining, cautioning, comforting. But what pricked up my ears, were her words 'this prepares you to bear a child and be a mother'. It was a shocking revelation for me. As if something miraculous just happened to my body. And mind. Everything changed......
To be continued......
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