Musings on a Mother's Day 2020

Musings on a Mother's Day.

Long long ago,  soon after my first- born was born, a dear friend came visiting to congratulate me and my partner/husband. He gave me a warm hug, looked at my partner and said with a naughty grin, "Congratulations! for the little you contributed" 😂 He literally meant the few 'seeds' my partner deposited in me!! We all had a hearty laugh😂😂  Our friend knew how busy, and how much my partner travelled in his newly acquired job, and how I was almost always on my own managing home, research, pregnancy, etc.) Well, I've always been the one permanently, physically, available for my two kids ever since! And he is responsible for all the financial security, and comforts in our family life! Children are now grown up, although one is still a teenager. This kind of family partnership has worked for us and although married, we continue to be non interfering friends doing our own thing!!

Jokes apart, do men find it difficult to acknowledge the contribution of their wife / partners in mentoring children into adulthood? We all hear of the ever glorified 'nurturing' and 'laying the foundation' ability of Mothers when children are very young. And how it's a mother's duty to instill 'all things good, and right' in their young ones. But does a women's nurturing ability  'decline' after breastfeeding, potty training, instilling values, manners, food, hand holding during elimentary and middle school? How active is a mother's role in mentoring the child, whether son or daughter into adulthood? Or Even later? Or is it taken over by the father? Or is it again a gender thing? Boys by father, girls by mother? Do single moms find it difficult to groom their little boys into young men without the help of a male mentor?

Or is it a generational think? The younger generation of educated couples are far more enlightened. I would like to think they ensure participation in bringing up children. And demand acknowledgement wherever required. According to areas of expertise they share responsibility. Yet, despite being professionals in whichever field of work, is there a gender bias at home? Many of them are perhaps still entrenched in patriarchal norms of the older generation, with fixed assigned role play for mother and father. The 'wordly wise' achievements of their offsprings due to the father, and the nurtured 'golden heart' due to the mother. That's why you have FB comments like 'like father, like son' 'like mother like daughter' (regardless whether the person knows both the parents or their respective credentials !!) It's understandable when we are commenting on physical appearance or attributes, because it's obvious. But not otherwise. Foundation in childhood and mentoring in teenage matters. If you have capable and willing parents, you are just plain lucky. But at the end of the day, instead of holding parents or parenting responsible, an adult is who takes responsibility of his/her own being, failings and/or achievements 💝