On Mothers Day, 2019.

Marriage was never on my mind all through my growing up years (till I met someone worth it in my 20's! ). But I always wanted to be a mother. And I'm talking of times, long before Karan Johar had babies of his own. Even long before Sushmita Sen became the first celebrity single-woman to adopt a child legally. And even before Neena Gupta shook the nation by going public about her decision to keep her baby and go on to famously become the first  'unwed' mother ( I remember looking up the exact definition of the word 'illegitimate' in the dictionary) .....

I don't recollect having fanciful ideas of 'happily ever after' fairytale endings or dreamy fantasies of my wedding dress and day. Being the youngest of the siblings, the family had seen enough weddings and were in no hurry to get me 'married off'. Besides I was good in studies, and so they let me be engaged with my so called  'academic pursuits'. 

Even as a little girl I remember being amazed at the idea of carrying a baby within me, in my belly. I used to and still do love dolls and would cradle, feed, bath, and dress them. I learnt the basics of stitching by making dresses for my dolls. Even now, whenever I see an adorable doll, I spare a moment to admire it. In my car, even today, there are one or two small dolls, supposedly my daughters when she was small not too long ago. 

It was in my 8th std school vacation that I started on my periods. Back then 13 year olds were not well informed about the 'facts of life'. Especially in a  conservative family upbringing where fathers were unapproachable and mothers restrained. Since I was one of the last ones in class to start on my periods, I had some idea about it from my classmates and older neighbourhood friends, and was prepared. To me it was just another bodily function which starts at a certain age in girls. Like sprouting hair. No big deal. I'd manage on my own, I thought. I was cool about it. And quiet about it. Until Ma found out on the second day. She thought I was perhaps embarrassed and scared. I remember that day, time, and scene so well. Ma requested to let her into the bathroom to help me clean up. I reluctantly agreed. I was too conscious and confused to pay attention to all the things she was explaining, cautioning, comforting. But what pricked up my ears, were her words 'this prepares you to bear a child and be a mother'. It was a shocking revelation for me. As if something miraculous just happened to my body. And mind. Everything changed...... 

To be continued...... 

Growing up with kids around

We grow with kids around us ❤️ Discover new strengths and abilities while on the job as mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, babysitters or ayahs. Like making up abnormally impossible wild 'neverending' stories, 'formal' story telling and writing, singing, knitting, baking, and what not!

I became an aunt at age 12. Then again, five more times. I began and gradually became a 'professional' at engaging these bunch of nephews and nieces with stories....long, endless 'serial' stories. Some that were so gripping, they actually continued over my visits home from college hostel. A little rewind of the past episode by the eager kids and I was back on track  to add more  🤔

Then when I became a mother, besides memorizing and singing old hindi movie lullabies, my favorite genre of hindi film music btw, I refreshed my collection with memories of Malayalam lullabies sung by mother and older aunts. My son at age 3 could sing "Chanda Hai Tu, Mera Suraj Hai Tu" and "Hush a by baby" and "Aara Ponne Vandile, Kochu Ousepum Kettiyolum" with equal ease and delight.

I also started getting better with 'speed' story telling, which began and ended with my son eating his meal or drinking milk! He would be zapped at how stories lasted exactly the time he took to eat or drink 🙄 And he knew he'd have to wait for another meal time, or milk time, or bed time for the next story. As he grew older (to differentiate between nonsensical and sensible stories) I would indulge him with nice, proper, stories from aesops fables, or the panchatantra, or makeup super abridged versions from mythology or religious texts, or classics, etc.

This was also the time I started writing stories for children. I had a regular column in a newspapers bi-monthly supplement for children. This was also the time I discovered Calvin and Hobbes. My son was six and so was Calvin. As he grew older, children in my stories also grew. Most of the stories were true to life instances and incidents.

I also brushed up on my knitting and crochet skills to make cute, tiny clothings for the little ones in my life. For my son, around the time when microwave ovens were becoming a household must-have, I too bought one and made a sincere attempt to bake. But that attempt was not succefully accomplished. Let's just say, it was a short lived preoccupation 😣 the batter didn't rise beyond a couple of carrot, banana, and date cakes.....which incidentally tasted good. Trust me 😁

Amma @ 83

Today is Amma’s birthday. She completes 83 years. She is mother to 5, grandmother to 9, and great grandmother to 9 little ones so far, and still counting. She and another older aunt of mine (both daughters-in-law of the Tharakan household) are the two surviving members of an entire generation from both, paternal and maternal side.

I’m most certain that my keen interest in history was kindled by the stories my ma narrated to me; her moments of fond reminiscence. She was a much loved youngest child of parents who came from an agrarian background, but who were quick to respond to a recruitment call from the `British Sarkar’ in the early 1930’s  and enrolled as male and female jail wardens at the Viyoor Central Jail (established in 1914) not too far away from Kolazhi in Trissur district, Kerala. Ma’s father bought land a little away from the entrance arch of the jail and ma was born into the lovely mud and laterite house he built there.  Stories of her close association with the jail, the officers and staff, stories of inmates in there, all fascinated me. Ma studied at the Montessori school inside the jail premises, where ‘madamas’ took lessons for the little ones and taught crafts like embroidery and crochet to older girls and women. Even after ma joined the government school, she would catch up with the teachers and staff when running errands for her parents during their office shifts or delivering tiffin.

Ma wanted to be a school teacher. But as destiny would have it, she was carted off to a small village in Sabarkantha district in Gujarat of the 1950’s, with a rather reluctant 22 year old husband, who himself wasn’t quite ready to be the householder! Ma could barely manage a couple of words in Hindi with the locals, mostly men and women from the Bhil and Garasia community, who spoke a very different dialect of Gujarati. They were a big help. They fetched water from the river, got fresh vegetables, and stood her guard till father returned from work.  Ma was still learning to roll out soft rotis and make dal/sabzis that go with it, the kind my father liked.  While appa had long since acquired a taste and preference for such a diet, ma longed for her red rice, and coconut in every curry! She, most sorely, missed the well-water back home, for her thick, long hair. There wasn’t much to do at the small rented home. She would spend her time doing needle work and humming hindi songs of the late 50’s from the radio “Aayein hai door se, milne huzoor se, aise mein chup na raheiye” and “Sar par topi lal, hath mein resham ka rumaal….O tera kya kehna” and older hits like “Chup chup khade ho, jaroor koi baat hai”. Not that she figured what those filmi lines meant!

Four kids were born in quick succession. A short break, and then I was born. Like an afterthought! Ma had long since abandoned any hopes of becoming a teacher. She was and is a homemaker. She is the rock, the pivot, the grace of our large family. Never interfering, never imposing. I would like to believe I’m the most loved among her five children. And she still loves to share with me stories from her childhood in Viyoor, her years in the different small towns in Gujarat while my father worked with Gujarat State Transport, relocating to our house in  Viyoor with the older kids, and finally rejoining appa and settling down in Baroda when father set up his own business.

I always wanted to take my ma on a visit to the first town, far away from her native place, that she made her home. Perhaps search out the location of the house, which was close to the fort walls, not too far from the river bank, etc. But I never managed such a trip. Despite my frequent and detailed exploration of Gujarat during by research years. And now she is not at all confident about making long journeys. She barely manages to walk around in the home garden. Couple of years ago, when I was on a field trip in Gujarat, I drove through Sabarkantha, and realized that a new district has been carved out.  Appa’s ST bus depot, where he worked, is now crowded and modern, far removed from the b/w photographs of the remote work station it once was.  There’s no way of making out people from different communities from their attire or language. No Radio Ceylon or Binaca geet mala. The river has long since gone dry. The fort wall is crumbling.  Memories are slowly fading for ma too.

Every year is a blessing. A gift from god. Here’s wishing Ma a fulfilling new year. Happy birthday, Amma. 

A young 18 year old ma, with her mother and brother, posing at a studio. Grandma was a strong and strict Jail (female) Warden since early 1930's . Her son Mathew (Maatu) was the eldest, and daughter Mary (Rosa) the youngest, from among the few children she lost in between. The brother and sister had an age difference of 18 years. This photo was taken with the sole purpose of  'presenting' ma for prospective marriage alliances  

One for the album. Appa Amma's wedding photo. Appa, 22, Amma 21. She still has her wedding saree.

Stories of a bygone era in the micro history of Trivandrum.

It was lovely meeting Ms. Madonna  Devaiges, an 84 yr old Anglo Indian lady, Great grand Daughter of  Dr. Samuel Sawyer (physician to Sri Moolam Tirunal Rama Verma,  1857-1924). Although Ms. Madonna didn’t have much to share in terms of history and heritage of Pettah, she sure gave nuanced insights into the life and times when there were many lovely bungalows around Pettah and how there were no one of `pure stock’ anymore and how the `locals’ have intermingled and are busy writing their own versions of Pettah and its church history! The plaque on the arched entrance to the St. Annes church bears the names of Dr. Samuel Sawyer, Mrs. Sawyers,  and  three other members of the family. Dr. Samuel was from England, who married a `pure blood’ Portuguese lady and made Pettah his home.

The best part of the visit was discovering this `palace’ that Ms. Madonna mentioned they lived in long ago, with 14 (or did she say 40?) rooms and 8 toilets!! In 1999, she and her younger sister  moved to a nice modern bungalow, by the main road. She said that the Palace belonged to Sethu Parvathi  Bai, and the Palace and some acres of land surrounding it was gifted  to her Great grandfather Dr. Sawyer. So, after saying our goodbyes  Riju and I went around the church compound wall looking for this Mansion. And at the dead end of the narrow lane stood this huge majestic mansion, which is now home to a few tens of tenants, including an office of some Driving School!!

The wide porch with gabled roof and lined with 4 huge pillars had surely seen better days. We could not make out the details of its architectural features in the dark, but it was evidently a grand structure once…straight facing the Pettah railway station in the west  and with the St. Annes church to the north. Very clearly the entire land in between and around belonged to the Sawyer family, which was subsequently sold off or snatched by others. Ms. Madonna also clarified that the land for the construction of the church was also given by Dr. Sawyer (“unlike the stories what some of the `locals’ were trying to make every one believe!”). Except for the narrow lane leading to it, this mansion is now surrounded by modern construction, in all shapes and sizes.  Incidentally, some of the new houses also belong to Doctor families! I am waiting to explore Dr. Sawyers mansion in daylight.

We could not meet the younger sister Ms. Joan Devaiges.  Both sisters are unmarried. Both have health issues. Their siblings and other family members migrated to England, Canada and Australia long ago. Ms. Madonna had a job with LIC and chose to stay rooted to Pettah.  I was hoping she’d show me some old photographs, in which we could get a glimpse of Pettah or Trivandrum of the yore. But instead she has a room full of portraiture photographs of her family members. She has some lovely furniture and some really old framed prints of Jesus and other Catholic Saints. And a very well kept house with the typical arrangement of  planter chairs, porcelain curios and lace curtains, a small manicured garden with a cage full of pretty birds, and a maid, driver and a security man for help.

On a Heritage trip in Kerala

( http://www.mathrubhumi.com/english/liststory.php?sub=579   Posted on: 08 Oct 2010  )

Bina Thomas Tharakan

A typical holiday to any touristy destination is replete with ways to satiate the `been there done that' itinerary made popular over the years by the tourism industry. Then be it a visit to a region of pristine natural beauty or some ancient ruins with charming structures or some town or city with famous historical monuments. Destinations get labeled into air-tight compartments of beauty, adventure and history respectively. And in the process often sidestep the not-so-spectacular in these compartments. And this is especially true of the vast repertoire of heritage structures at each and every city in our country, which are given a miss not just by visitors because these don't feature in destination catalogues and brochures, but sometimes even the locals are not aware they exist, because for them, they are too common place. But these heritage structures are just as interesting and
illuminating of a vintage past.

And God's own country - Kerala is no different. The `enchanting natural beauty' that Lord Curzon in 1900, and many other officials and travelers before him recorded, including Alberuni in the 11th century, Marcoplo in the 13th century, Ibn Batuta in the
14th century, and many more, is still the most powerful attraction to the state. Kerala's lush green mountains and valley's, the biodiversity therein, the exhilarating ride of its backwaters on fancy kettuvallams, relaxing stays at exclusive beach resorts, with visual delights of some of its performing art forms, and martial arts while enjoying an elaborate spread of authentic local cuisine are the chief highlights of a few days holiday in the state. And of course, add to this the growing popularity of Ayurvedic massages, and we are done.

But what often goes unnoticed and unheard of is Kerala's wealth of Heritage structures and the history that envelops them. This small stretch of coastal land has attracted traders and travelers for over 2000 yrs including the Greeks, the Romans, the Arabs and the Chinese resulting in not just a tumultuous and fascinating history of activities from ancient times, but also a series of colonization in the 500 years of recent history which included the Portuguese, French, Dutch, and British. The 13th and 14th centuries were periods of intense sea trade concentrated at Kollam, Kochi and Koyikode. The resultant integrative tradition of Kerala is well reflected in its structural heritage with regional variations which are very unique to the state. Although there are some structures of monumental dimensions from different periods in Kerala history, there are many more small and big heritage structures spread all over the state that often goes unnoticed.

Monuments like the protected forts in the Northern districts of Kerala like Kannur, Kasargod and Palakkad , some well know cathedrals and temples spread all over the state, the famous few state museums and the cluster of `star monuments' in the
Ernakulam District including the Dutch palace, Bolgatty palace, and the Jewish synagogue, are well known. But there are many more State Department of Archaeology protected heritage structures that are deserving of some attention and appreciation by
locals and tourists. Also the many stray `unprotected' gems from very recent colonial history that need not only be appreciated but also guarded from being swallowed under the waves of urban development.

Take palaces, for instance. There are many in and around Trivandrum. Within the premises of the old fortified town itself, spread around the famous Sri Padmanabha temple, the only temple that resembles the Dravidian `gopura' temple architecture style in Kerala, there are a series of fabulous royal residences and halls including the Puthen Maliga Palace Museum complex, constructed in the traditional Kerala `naalukettu' and `ettuketu' style architecture in wood and laterite, with multiple tiled roofs and fine decorative carvings. The structural compositions are unique in its elegance and reflect simplicity. Unlike the opulent and elaborate palaces in the Deccan or North India, these structures are restrained in the use of space. Many of such quaint royal mansions all over Kerala now house museums, including the grand Hill Palace in Ernakulam. The Koyikkal Palace museum, on the outskirts of Trivandrum is one such charming structure, complete with a central courtyard, a pond, shrine, and even a secret tunneled passage!! The architectural features of these structures, including the old churches, temples and
mosques in Kerala are important markers of a peripheral sub-culture away from the strongholds of contemporary dominant ruling powers of the times in the Deccan and Tamil Nadu.

Most of these buildings are not more than 400 years old. Or they house an ancient core rebuilt several times. In a tropical zone like Kerala, it's difficult for structures made in wood, mud and laterite to sustain the vagaries of weather. Renovation was also a
means to strengthen the structures. For example the Cheraman Perumal mosque in Trissur district, believed to be the oldest mosque in India, dating to the 7th century was renovated several times. Similarly the magnificent Tali Temple of Koyikod, dated to the 12th century has undergone renovations over the centuries, including the addition of painted floral patterns on the outer walls of the inner shrine. But the sculptures and carvings on the lintels of the sanctum sanctorum hasn't been tampered with.

Then there are the famous bungalows in the major towns of the state which often go unnoticed. Like the `town house' Vasco de Gama resided in at Kochi till his death in 1520 AD. Or the one in Kannur District which was occupied by Dr. Herman Gundert, the revered scholar and lexicographer from 1839, for a period of 20 years, while he worked on the very first Malayalam dictionary.

Equally enchanting are the Early Historic rock cut caves at different parts of Kerala. Believed to be remnants of Buddhist and Jaina faiths prevalent in Early historic Kerala, most of these now house shrines dedicated to Hindu gods and goddesses. An even more ancient past is showcased at Rock shelter petrogylps or engravings in the districts of Wayanad and Idukki skirting Kerala's Eastern Ghats and the vast numbers of Megalithic monuments spread all over the state.

Even more fascinating are the snippets of information from local lore attached to many natural features. For instance, how often does a traveler to Koyikod hear of the huge boulder called Velliamkallu, 10 km into the sea from Payyoli beach. Local people will tell you that during the Portuguese rule, murderers and serious law offenders were executed here and thrown off the rock into the sea. Or that the cluster of huge rock boulders called Jatayupara at Kollam district, was where Jatayu, the vulture in Ramayana, fell wounded while trying to stop Ravana from abducting Sita to Lanka. Some even say that Hanuman
took his final leap to Lanka atop this hill!! Or of the interesting debate that surrounds the journey of the Chinese fishing nets which people love to watch by the sea shore at Fort Kochi Whether the idea of such fishing nets was a direct import from China or did the idea travel around in other regions of South East Asia before reaching the Kerala coast? And that too only at Fort Cochin!!!

And for the interested, all it takes is an exploratory drive down the coastal NH 17 and 47 with a few detours into the mid lands of this thin strip of land. It's a pity when heritage is thought to be only that what is showcased. At the heart of our modern cities are very old streets and bazaars with charming public and private buildings which are soon fading out giving way to the new. Only a planned `heritage walk' through these mazes will enliven its historic value.

(Bina Thomas is an archaeologist working on heritage issues. She can be contacted at binatho@gmail.com )